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21.5.05
Springles
This infrequently updated blog proudly presents these brief reviews of spring singles:
• "I Turn My Camera On" by Spoon — Just a lovin' spoonful of Bee Gees falsetto and upbeat hi-hat helps you get down to this one. This song makes me a) want to strut down the street and b) think of PLU's hilarious hip shake.
• "Entertain" by Sleater-Kinney — Carrie Brownstein draws on sentiment similar to that in "Combat Rock" on One Beat to mock the empty entertainment among us. Definitely a good choice for a single from the excellent, somewhat surprising new album, The Woods. The content stands out from the album, but the music hints at what the entire record is like. Turn up the volume, and prepare to be entertained!
• "Blue Orchid" by The White Stripes — "Seven Nation Army" had a great riff and is a fine side one, track one; however, "Blue Orchid" rocks harder and spits more spite to make it a superior single. At the end of their career, the Whites will be able to say, "'Blue Orchid' really blew away 'Seven Nation Army!'" Renee probably regrets marrying bald Parrothead Kenny Chesney. Then again, she probably thinks his tractor is sexy.
• "Beverly Hills" by Weezer — I already wrote about this novelty song, which "isn't all that great."
• "Speed of Sound" by Coldplay — Like clockwork, the soon-to-be Biggest Band in the World delivers a summer anthem that sounds like a slower "Clocks." Zzzzzzzzzz. Ooh, that's cold! Homie don't play that! How you like dem apples?
• "Lame Puns" by Every Sunday: Drag — Sorry.
• "I Quit My Old Job 'Cause I Got a New One" by Kristin — Best news I have heard all spring! If that were an Oasis song, it would be "I Quit Me Old Job 'Cos I Got a New One."
Speaking of Oasis, that band has a new single out, and it sucks because it doesn't really sound like The Beatles.
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What's Your Favorite Pop Song with the Word Skewers in It?
"Laid" by James.
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You're Under Arrest
... For not visiting ChicagoCrime.org.
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21.5.05
10.5.05
Roology
On his first night at Kristin’s house, Roo the mouse almost died.
A bigger, meaner mouse Kristin had adopted bit and scratched Roo. Weeks later, he still had the hairless scars on his back. A notch in his translucent ear never healed.
Since that first night, Roo tried to be big and powerful and to accomplish amazing feats.
He repeatedly lunged up the side of his wheel in a Sisyphean effort to spin his wheel so hard that it would flip him upside down and 360 degrees total.
Roo refused to let a human clutter his domain. When I hung a mouse-sized poster of Modest Mouse, his favorite band, on the bars of his cage, I thought I had placed it out of his reach. After I tightened the twist ties, I watched for his reaction. Unhappy about the alien décor, he decided to do some emergency redecorating. Roo climbed up the green tornado slide that led to his wheel, set his rear feet on the rim of the slide and reached with his feet and nose. After a few trials and accompanying errors, he learned what he needed to do. He stepped aside a bit, balanced, stretched, touched the bars first and then grabbed them with his little pink toes. He extended far enough to gnaw through the paper of the twist tie and proceeded to attack the metal wire on the inside.
Realizing this mouse had a marathoner’s determination, I took down the poster. Otherwise, he would have chewed through the metal. He had succeeded in a battle of wills against a real live human.
Already possessing determination and concentration, Roo advanced to the next stage in his quest to be big and accomplish impressive feats. He began to condition and strengthen himself by climbing up the bars of his cage. He did pull-ups, climbed sideways and suspended himself upside down. He showed off and hammed it up and bit the bars of his cage to display a little ferocity. He was an animal. Figuratively.
Upon mastering these tricks, Roo combined two stunts. He balanced on the edge of the slide and tried to reach the front wall of his cage a few inches away. Countless times, Kristin and I watched him lean and quickly backpedal to avoid falling from the slide. Success eluded Roo. The trick seemed impossible.
See a trend? Of course, one day, he did it. He spanned the gap, held onto the bars and swung over to the wall of the cage. He could do big things in his little world.
I choose to think that he died after trying that trick again and again this weekend. Maybe he missed the bars once and bopped his head. Such a thought might be morbid; however, I suspect he left that way because Roo lived, worked and played like a teeny little superguy. He became a big, strong animal in a pocket pet’s body. Inside his cage, life was exciting. He made life outside of it extraordinary as well.
His most astonishing feat was the positive effect he had on Kristin. I won’t try to explain the love and adoration she felt for the mouse. I will say that she needed him as much as he depended on her for food, water and shelter. Any mouse or other critter that earns such a close relationship from its caretaker must be particularly special.
As Roo floats on toward the big wheel in the sky, the little mouse leaves a big void in our lives. But he also leaves many memories that swell our heads and joy that bursts from our hearts.
10.5.05
5.5.05
F tha Police
On Tuesday afternoon, I pulled into my apartment complex and noticed Olathe Police squad cars throughout the property. The police presence was not an unusual sight. I've seen several cop cars parked around certain buildings a handful of times in the past 14 months.
When I turned toward my building, however, I saw a row of traffic cones and a traffic unit car blocking the drive. I noticed nosy residents on balconies and porches, a few more squad cars, an armored vehicle and a couple SWAT officers surrounding my building. I parked, checked my mail and waited for an officer to finish a conversation over two-way radio. He told me if I wanted to stand and watch, I would have to move back. I thought, Hell, no; I am not going to watch. I said, "That's my building. I assume I can't go to my apartment. What is going on?"
He said they were gettin' ready to serve a search warrant in one of those apartments right quick. They were looking for a person of interest who they believed to be hiding in one of the apartments.
So what was I supposed to do? He said I could hang out at the clubhouse.
I decided to stop there for more information and possibly to ask about the penalties of breaking my lease.
The apartment manager appeared to be completely spooked by the whole thing. She said the police had camped out since about noon or 1 p.m. It was 5:30 at this point. She emphasized that the person sought by the cops was not a resident but rather a person staying with a resident. She also said the cops weren't letting anyone — not even a woman who needed her medication — near the building. I was welcome to hang out in the clubhouse.
I drove to Kristin's. Thank goodness I have a girlfriend for those days when law enforcement prohibits me from entering my home, you know?
We watched a few minutes of evening news. The cops were looking for a suspect in some stabbings elsewhere in Kansas.
Fortunately, I was wearing some of my more comfortable work clothes, I had just purchased Magnet with Sleater-Kinney on the cover and interviewed by Eddie Vedder, and Kristin and I had plenty to talk about thanks to her eventful Tuesday.
A couple hours later, we returned to my apartment complex. The fuzz remained. I was pretty frustrated. Who cares about a stabbing suspect? I had chicken thawing in the fridge. I had planned to make fajitas for Kristin and myself! Because we are going to see our moms this weekend and because of other evening business, it was the only day we could eat together, and I can't make fajitas for only one person. My peppers ($1.50 for one red pepper is a lot of money) and onion were going to go to waste!
The same cop with whom I spoke before said they had to open two more rooms and that everything would be wrapped up soon. My accomplice and I ate some sub sandwiches and killed some more time. I called Olathe PD around 9:20, received the all-clear sign and drove home. All seemed well.
So today at work, I wondered how the incident was resolved. The police did not find the suspect. It took them about eight hours to realize no one was hiding in the apartment.
So since I have moved here, the following have occurred at my apartment complex:
• Someone violently backed a car into another car, which rolled over the curb and into the open grass area outside my apartment.
• A friend of a resident was shot by a nonresident outside the building next to mine.
• Police held a one-sided standoff and searched an apartment on the other side of my building for a stabbing suspect who the police did not find.
All these things could happen anywhere, but it still is tempting to link this low-income housing with an increased risk of getting into trouble. I ask myself now, Is the cheap rent worth living among people who cause problems?
5.5.05
3.5.05
Le Show du Jour
I don't know French.
Here's what I really want to tell you, loyal readers: Comedy Central announced Stephen Colbert is getting a spinoff of The Daily Show. It's going to be a parody of those talking-heads cable talk shows. Anything to add New York Times?
"It will be called 'The Colbert Report' — though, if Mr. Colbert has his way, the announcer will pronounce it with a faux-French accent: The co-BEAR ra-PORE."
Already, it's hilarious.
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Wacolathe
SWAT officers were in my neighborhood today!
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3.5.05
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